Communicate with Confidence: 7 Simple Steps to Calming Your Nerves
Have you ever felt like your brain buzzes so fast that you can’t calm yourself to speak a coherent thought?
Maybe you feel confident speaking to small groups or one on one, but you don’t feel like you can speak off the cuff to people you don’t know.
Or maybe you don’t feel like you can get your point across because you’re unsure about your ability to communicate your message clearly.
Speaking requires us to put ourselves out there. To make mistakes. To risk being judged by the people listening to us.
What is it about putting ourselves out there that can turn our stomach?
It doesn’t matter if you’re a lawyer, an entrepreneur, or anyone who talks to people during your day, these feelings can cause anxiety.
Each of us is required to communicate with people in our lives.
The thing is, communication with others starts with connecting with yourself.
A big part of learning how to connect with ourselves is about building competencies before putting ourselves out there.
What can you do to build these competencies?
If you’re up for a challenge, you can take the 21 Day Tea Ritual Challenge to calm your mind in 10 minutes a day. Click here if you’re ready to go big. If you want just a taste of this challenge, then…
Follow these 7 simple steps to calming your nerves.
1. Make the time to sit with yourself.
You have to want this connection enough to make yourself a priority. We make time for what’s important to us. Is calming your nerves something you want to do? Ask yourself: what’s your reason for wanting to calm your anxiety? Is it to feel like you can connect with people in your daily life more authentically? If you’re an entrepreneur, is it to empathize with your customers, so you can better serve them? Is it smoky to start your day with a bit of calm to center yourself before your crazy day ahead?
A lot of us have difficulty being alone with our thoughts. It can be scary. They race around and seem to buzz at every turn. Going through this process will help with that. It’ll make you more comfortable being alone with your thoughts.
Getting comfortable being alone with your thoughts — being in the present moment — is the first step in conquering any fear or anxiety.
Once you’ve made the time, you can…
2. Drain your brain.
Before you sit down, grab a notebook and a pen.
Now dump your random thoughts, to do list, grocery list, whatever you have knocking around in your brain.
Write it down.
At this point, you can choose to set a (gentle – calming) alarm for when you nudge yourself awake…gently.
Remember to turn off your electronics in front of you, so you’re not tempted to be distracted by them.
After you’ve cleared your immediate concerns for the day, you can start…
I love this word. It’s holding fast, feeling solid, feeling in your skin more than you usually feel.
To start, close your eyes. Closing your eyes is the first sign that you’re relaxing.
While you’re seated, feel your feet on the ground. Imagine roots stretching from your feet and moving into the ground.You’re an oak. Breath. Take your time. Feel your shoulders relax, your jaw unclench, and that space between your eyes release.
The next step to calming your nerves is to…
4. Find a focus.
Focus on one point. Here are a couple options.
You’ve likely heard people sometimes focus on a “third eye.” Yes, this may be a bit woo woo, but I like the general concept. I focus my thoughts in the center of my forehead more for a place to focus on.
Alternatively, you can focus on your breath. Start by noticing your breath. Don’t worry about changing it. Just observe whether your breath is shallow, deep, choppy, etc. No judgment. Just notice. You can calm your breath if you feel like you need to.
Breath in and out. Notice how your breath fells as it travels across your lip and how it feels when it enters your body.
Now it’s time to…
5. Deal with your thoughts.
You’re going to have thoughts pop up while you’re trying to calm your mind. It’s normal.
If you’ve drained your brain in step 2, hopefully you’ve got a few of those persistent thoughts out of your head.
But you’re bound to have more. Our brains are constantly looking for problems to solve. In fact, we sometimes make them, so we have something to do. (But not you, right? Totally not me either.)
When these thoughts enter your brain, say, “Hello thoughts.” (Silently, of course.) Notice them, then say, “Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll get to you later.”
Boom. You’re ready for…
Yes, I have to talk about this twice. Because connecting with yourself isn’t just about focussing — it’s redirecting your mind over and over again to maintain your focus.
It’s okay to have thoughts enter your mind while you’re practicing calming your nerves. It’s normal. And the more you practice redirecting your thoughts, the better you get at it.
Once you’ve done the work, then it’s time to…
7. Return at your own pace.
Deepen your breath. Then open your eyes slowly. Maybe take a stretch.
If you’ve set an alarm, don’t feel pressure to wait for your alarm. But if you do set an alarm, please make it gentle – not one of those sirens that jars you when it goes off.
With these 7 steps to calming your mind, you’ll be better able to calm your nerves. This lets you communicate with yourself and those around you.
If you’re looking to go deeper – to make a habit of sitting quietly with your thoughts – join the free 21 Day Tea Ritual Challenge. It’s a great first step to building the competencies you need to communicate better with yourself and others. Click here to learn more.
Once you begin working on yourself, people around you will respond to your efforts. You’ll feel more grounded. The more you practice this, the quicker you’ll enter this state when you need to access it.
Have a question or a tip on calming your nerves? Write it in the comments. Let’s start a conversation.
With lots of love,