It’s time to reset and be happy.
This afternoon, I did one of those things I’ve told myself not to do. Again.
I reopened an old wound.
Maybe you’ve done this to yourself too.
That wound you keep trying to heal keeps being re-opened. The worst part is, you seem to be doing it to yourself.
Just when you think you’re healed, something you do causes a fresh slap across your face.
Maybe what opens your wound is checking your ex’s Facebook Page where pictures of their new partner are front and center, or maybe it’s trying to renew a friendship that you knew deep down was unhealthy. Or maybe you spend time thinking about a failure you had that you can’t stop revisiting.
It’s almost like we’re addicted to unhappiness.
It’s as if we hit a threshold of happiness, then we hit ourselves on our head a few times to put us back in our place. And our “place” is our normal – the way our subconscious thinks we should feel.
Pretty nuts, right? Well, it’s time to reset that these thought patterns.
When we keep re-opening wounds, we don’t reach our potential. We don’t create space for something amazing to happen to us or to recognize when something spectacular is right in front of us.
It’s easy to say, “Just stop checking his Facebook Page.” But that’s not helpful. If you’re really determined to sabotage your happiness, you’ll find a way to do it.
If everything’s going fantastic, it’s like our brains say, “Not so fast,” and we do something to knock ourselves down a peg.
And boy, have I been there.
Gay Hendrick’s book, “The Big Leap,” helped me understand my thought processes a lot better.
The book’s premise is that we hit an upper limit of happiness. He says there’re several reasons for this, but the main takeaway for our purposes is that whenever we find ourselves self-flagellating, think about whether we just had something super cool happen to us.
For instance, when I notice my mind wandering to crappy subjects that make me sad or angry, without fail, right before I had those hapiness-sucking thoughts I was thinking about what a great day I had or how fortunate I am to have amazing people in my life.
So how do we get past our self-flagellation? How do we break this habit of happiness-sucking thoughts?
Here are 5 smart strategies to reset your brain and get happy.
1. Commit to change.
Everything life-changing requires a commitment. (Yeah, even George Clooney knew he had to commit.)
Commit to lengthening the amount of time you’re happy.
Tony Robbins talks about a 10 day mental detox in his book “Unleash the Power Within” where you commit to going 10 days without dwelling on self-sabotaging thoughts. His threshold is something like 2-3 minutes, otherwise you have to start your 10 day mental detox all over again.
An example is when your mind wanders to what a jerk your ex was and the list of things you would say to them if you were stuck in an elevator with them and they had no choice but to listen to the expletives coming from your mouth.
I’ve never had that thought; I’m talking in hypotheticals of course.
Observing our breath gets us in the present and takes us out of the self-sabotage. Take 10 deep breaths, then…
Jump up and down, run around the bock, do some stretches, do something to snap you out of it. The body is an amazing vessel to get us out of our head.
4. Have gratitude that you recognize what’s happening.
Don’t beat yourself up. You noticed what’s going on, and you want to encourage that behavior. Berating ourselves for beating ourselves up again is just more self-flagellation. Talk about lame.
5. Have gratitude for the (happiness-sucking) situation.
Think of two reasons (at least) of why the situation you’re thinking about is good.
For instance, if you’re dwelling on something you consider a failure, think about what you learned from it that you wouldn’t have learned without going through that tough time. Maybe it put you on a path to greater success that you wouldn’t have realized without the “failure.” Maybe you met someone you treasure today that you wouldn’t have met without going through what you did.
Finding gratitude for the gifts you received from the situation will change your mindset and get you in a positive state of mind.
Remember: happy thoughts.
Now that you’ve read this, what do you think? Do you do this to yourself too? Have you read Gaye Hendrick’s or Tony Robbins’ books? Tell me about it in the comments below.
Lots of love,
Founder & Seeker
Sicilian Tea Company
P.S. Part of breaking the cycle of self-sabotage is making time to treat yourself right. Unplug with my free 21 Day Tea Challenge. It’ll give you what you need to reset. You’ll get daily thoughts in your inbox to see where your thoughts take you. Click here to learn more today.